


negatio

by Saraku



Series: garden of sinners [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Relationships, Missing Scene, Suicidal Thoughts, one day ill write a fic that actually makes the romance viable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 22:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraku/pseuds/Saraku
Summary: He’s been selfish for the last hundred years – he loathes to admit that he wishes to be selfish once more. He hides in the shadows, a mimicry of one cast by the night sky.One more moment of respite.





	negatio

When the Scions disappear from his view as they ascended the Talos, the Exarch makes his way to the spot closest to the Crystal Tower while staying in range. There was precious little time to regain his energy for they would slay the last Lightwarden soon enough.

He’s been selfish for the last hundred years – he loathes to admit that he wishes to be selfish once more. He hides in the shadows, a mimicry of one cast by the night sky.

One more moment of respite.

He lays his staff at his feet, tilting his head up.

Against the eternal light, the Exarch crumbles. G’raha presses a hand to his face, the pressure keeping him tethered to reality as he went over his plan.

He had enough energy to bring forth a projection and ward off anything that dared to interfere. He hoped that his mysterious act would propel his lies as much as it hurt to pretend. The Crystarium had never been as prepared as it was now, ready to move forward without their quiet, unyielding leader.

The spell to open the rift had long been burned into his mind, fingers moving in a practiced ease to flick it open despite the supposed impossibility to open it.

The Exarch was capable of the impossible, after all.

G’raha could only walk in the path wrought by the impossible, following helplessly as he tried to carve his name into remembrance.

It was only natural the Exarch would do the impossible for the person that could do everything impossible.

A smile forces its way upon him. Against all odds, he was still able to smile. Of course it would be thoughts of the Warrior that made it happen.

G’raha didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the thought.

The conversation earlier drifts into his mind. It’d be so long since he’d stated his desires so selfishly, catharsis shooting through him like a breath of fresh air.

And _yet_ –

_I don’t want to die_.

He makes no noise. The realization is quiet, lurking in his heart and waiting to be revealed.

_I don’t want to die._

The things he’d said he’d do after it was over – it was all lies, and yet he yearned for them to be truths, to explore the lands not as a survivor or a leader but as a person with the one he cherished most –

Half-hearted plans in an attempt to keep living in a world he was to die for.

_I don’t want to die_.

Selfishness was fickle.

He’d promised himself this would be the last time. He intends to keep it.

There are two types of deaths, he knows – death of the body and death of the soul. The soul only died once their name no longer flitted across the wind.

G’raha Tia would not die in the First. He had never lived in the first place. The Exarch hopes that he lives on in the Warrior’s mind, unworthy his soul may be.

He inhales sharply.

_Selfishness does not befit a man of your position._

(And for a moment he wonders – he wanders in his mind, thinking of the fiery plumes of the bird in history and wonders –

– what it’s like to be reborn –)

Death was inevitable. Death was final.

He’d lived for far too long.

The Warrior barely lived at all.

He owed them that much, at the very least. As the lodestar to his life, as the unseen future of his past.

_I don’t want to die_.

His memory wanes. He does not know past and present and future.

It is irrelevant.

He breathes – once, twice, three times.

One more moment of respite.

\---

The surface beneath him trembles.

There’s a shift in the aether.

The Lightwarden has revealed itself.

G’raha picks up the staff and pushes himself off the ground. He moves past the gathered crowd staring at the Talos from afar and begins his trek to an undying road.

He lets G’raha Tia rest in the past.

_I don’t want to die._

His heart is shaken, but his resolve has not.

_I will see this tale to a happy end, my friend._

One sentence has always struck out to him in Count Edmont de Fortemps’ memoirs. A saying considered to be the Warrior’s own catchphrase.

“For those we have lost,” he whispers unto the end, “for those we can yet save.”

_There has been enough tragedy._

**Author's Note:**

> This is all very ambiguous. That wasn’t the intent, but it worked out. I hope its not so ambiguous you have no idea what he’s talking about.
> 
> G’raha has a lot of emotional baggage. From the self-deprecation to his plan to prevent the Eight Calamity, there’s a lot to unpack.
> 
> This. Is stuff I’ll likely address in a future story. It’s just not something I can write about in an author’s note – it’s hard enough as is to give a general idea. The only way to properly address it, for me, is in-character.
> 
> Because I’m awful at writing multi-chapters and even series’, we’ll see. Whoops.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
